Perfectionism And Comparison
All my life, I have been a person who has always compared myself with others. I always felt inferior to others because I didn't achieve as much, even thought I many times had got incredible achievements. This is obviously dangerous to oneself because it can make one get completely demotivated of doing things.
This year it didn't happen differently, I compared myself a lot of times with others, but this comparisons were always unfair with me as I've now realized. When I compare myself to others, it seems that my mind frames the situation to make it appear that I'm inferior. Although I have accomplished many things this year - and more generaly in the (short) time I've until now spent on Earth -, I always seem to cherry-pick some trait that I want to achieve and compare with those who already developed it fully.
Things get worse when it comes to academic related things. I always want to study to my maximum potential, however I sometimes don't get to do it for many factors. Still, looking back, I'm happy with what I've done. It was definitively not perfect, however it was still great because I've seen solid growth on myself and many things that I consider as 'fails', I'll still be able to correct them.
I think one one of the biggest reasons for this is my perfectionism. I always wanted everything to be perfect and when things got out of my control I would feel bad. That's also the main reason behind me quitting many things after a short time. I would always feel that I was doing them incorrectly, however if I continued I'd probably have something nice in the end.
What made decide to write this was the result of the final test of a subject that I took this semester. In short, I won't be able to reach a perfect 4.0 GPA anymore. This lead me to a kind of crysis. I spent some days reflecting on (and trying to accept) what happened. It was hard to see that I thing I was planning for years (I don't really know why) was ruined - by me. Obviously I can't put all the blame on myself because I would be lying. Many factors out of my control had influence on this grade.